More Space…

From the outside looking in, almost every aspect of my life has changed over these last six months.  We moved to a entirely new place, leaving our family and lifelong friendships behind in Georgia, and we crammed ourselves into a small camper that we have attached to a yurt, which fits a family of five quite snugly.  An average day for us before was to wake up, rush around, go to a play date or spend time with family, eat lunch, take naps, cook dinner, welcome Eric home, clean up the house, and do whatever activity we had planned for the evening, say our prayers and lay down just to start all over again.  Here an average day is much different.  We wake up all together and enjoy our family breakfast, then Eric goes down to the milk barn.  The children and I have time reading the bible and we do school in our yurt, with the sun shining in all around us.  Then we head outside and find whatever adventure awaits us - picking flowers, petting animals, making dirt cakes, or just playing in the woods.  I don’t often feel the same chaotic rush of “getting ready to go” that I used to experience each day and I do not miss the constant loading and unloading them into our van.  Since we still do not know many other families here, if we want to spend time with friends, we just walk down the path beside the chicken pen :)  We enjoy our family lunch all together and the children still take their nap.  Whenever they wake up we head back outside and help Eric with the evening chores.  We make pig salad or we just play with the animals in the barn until the sun tells us we should head home.  We eat dinner together and we often have worship times in the evenings.  Our life here is not picture perfect by any means, and the same stresses of life still find their way in, but somehow as the day ends I don’t feel the same way I did before.  Our lifestyle on the farm is very different but more importantly I think that I am different.  By His grace I think He is changing me. 

For the first time since we have been here I finally feel like I can express what God has done in me - I feel like my heart has more space.  That may or may not make sense to you but that is how I feel.  Somehow squishing my whole life into this little yamper and joyfully letting go of things that occupied my attention and affection in order to fulfill God’s call on our life has opened the gate to a wide open space in my soul.  I had not even noticed how crowded my heart and mind had become but as I find myself exploring this new open space in my heart I am overwhelmed with thankfulness.   There are many things that we left behind that I miss dearly each day but I absolutely know that this season of being called away from all things familiar has been a call from God.  I would never have been brave enough to find this open space on my own but God took me by the hand and led me into it.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says “God has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end…”  Within all of our hearts there is a deep longing and a yearning for that which we were created for.  Each heart is searching for the eternal life that can only be found through Christ Jesus.  Once we come to know Christ, His Spirit is placed within us as a promise and deposit of eternity that is to come. 

Romans 8:23-25 says “we ourselves who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.  For in this hope were saved.  But hope that is seen is no hope at all.  Who hopes for what he already has?  But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently..”  

And so all of life is in a sense a patient waiting for Christ to come.   Somewhere along this journey I think that I may have lost sight of that reality.  At times I have forgotten about what I am supposed to be hoping for, even groaning for.  Waiting is hard and in our society we are good at filling our wait time with lots of productivity.  We read, we check email, we update everyone else on the fact that we are waiting somewhere, we listen to music, we watch tv, we make phone calls, or we get out our calendars and make a million plans about what we will do next.  Not that I am against multi-tasking or making the most of an opportunity to get things done :)  but maybe this mind set is robbing from us.  Maybe we are supposed to feel the quietness and the stillness and the longing that waiting provokes in us.  I am afraid that the busyness of life and all the lesser pleasures of this world have dulled our senses and distracted us from our first love.  

With little ones keeping me busy and constantly needing my care and attention, not to mention meetings and activities that often fill our evenings I am afraid that many days have passed by when I did not feel even the slightest longing for Him or His return.  All the things He has blessed me with and all of the many gifts He has given are never meant to be distractions but rather they are meant to draw my attention and affection even more toward Christ.  Too often I leave no room for the love and adoration of God in my heart and mind.  I leave no space to simply be in awe of Him or to respond to Him in thanks for all that He has done and is doing in my life.  I am afraid that my eyes are too often set on only what I can see but inside my soul is longing for what is eternal.  

In a unexpected moment God overwhelmed my heart with this realization.  As a special treat Jubilee and Mercy were sleeping on the fold out beds in the middle of the camper.  It had been a busy day and I was frustrated about the dishes and how dirty the house was, not to mention all the laundry waiting to be hung up after I was done so I was definitely grumpy.  These beds are in the same area as the kitchen so I told the girls they needed to lay quietly on the beds and look at a book while I finished my chores.  They were quiet for a little while and then they started asking me lots of questions and telling me about all the thoughts that came into their little minds.  It was fun having them there to talk to while I washed so I found myself smiling as I worked. Then right there at the sink, surrounded by dishes, my heart felt the weight of eternity.  I honestly think I could have fallen to my knees but instead I began to weep.  All day that day and most of the week I had been so preoccupied by all I needed to do that I had not even given thanks for my children and all the joy they bring to my life.  I was overwhelmed with the privilege and the responsibility of being a parent and having their little hearts to guide.  In light of eternity, all my values and priorities change.  At that moment I almost literally felt a huge space in my heart and I felt the urge to fill it up with love, praise, and thanks to God.  When eternity is in perspective the things that appear to be urgent and important seem to fade.  When my heart is totally captivated with eternity the work I do is a joyous overflow of the love I have for Christ.  I am able to see things as He sees them and that enables me to fulfill His purposes for me instead of pushing through the day to accomplish the things I have planned and still feeling empty in the end.  Jesus taught us to pray that God’s kingdom would come on earth as it is in heaven but to truly mean that we must desire His will above our own.  We must be willing to surrender all the things that are stealing the love, and affection, and attention that only Christ deserves.

   

2 Corinthians 4:6-18 says “For God who said ‘Let light shine out of darkness’ made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.  But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed; perplexed, but no in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed…therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us and eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  

How many days have I become discouraged, been totally distracted, or even lost heart in the midst of the mundane?  Oh that I could set my gaze on what is unseen.  Oh that I could look on the face of Jesus and find all that I need.  Oh that I could truly live my life for eternity!  This eternal perspective and perpetual longing for Christ to come in no way diminishes the value of my life here on earth, rather it provides the only true motivation and a captivating vision for what life is truly all about.  When my heart is set on eternity my day to day responsibilities as a wife and mother become opportunities for me to love Christ in tangible, physical, practical ways.  I have to rely more fully on His strength and to recognize even more my desperate need for Him.  All the joys of this life are only a glimpse of the joy that is ours in Christ, but what a blessing to experience these things.  Every human relationship and the challenges within them provide a place for His Spirit to bear the beautiful fruits of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control in my own heart.  What a miracle to behold.  In the midst of real life, our hearts learn the true value of eternity.  Paul declares that even if we find ourselves being pressed, perplexed, persecuted, or struck down we can have hearts full of faith and hope IF our eyes are set on eternity.  Oh what a life changing decision it is for us to live with our hearts set on eternity.

Hebrews 11:13-16 describes many of the great heroes of our faith by saying, “All these people were still living by faith when they died.  They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance.  And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth.  People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own.  If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead they were longing for a better country - a heavenly one.  Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.”  

These heroes of the faith truly had an eternal perspective.  They lived and even died holding on to the hope of what was to come.  They knew that trusting in the promise of God, who had loved them and called them his own, was worth all the sacrifice and all the difficulty that they would endure.  Once they met God and He revealed His heart to them it became very clear that this world was no longer their home.  They set their hearts and minds on the country that is to come.  And we also choose to do the same when we begin to follow Christ and yet have we set our hearts firmly enough?  What a challenge it is to know that if they had grown weary and turned back to the country from which they came, God would have let them return.  And if they had returned they never would have fulfilled the great purposes and plans God had for them.  Oh how I pray that my heart never turns back and that I will be always looking toward eternity.

So wherever you are may you find yourself barefoot and brave enough to make more space in your heart for loving God and living for His kingdom.

Let us set our eyes on eternity!